When the light turned green, I turned my truck into a heat seeking missile as I acquired my target. A little fuck in a Prius was going to have his little shopping excursion interrupted by my ass-kicker on four wheels. Sorry little fuck, no trips to The Gap or Old Navy for you today, only a call to your local insurance agent. I guess you’ll have to get your bitch something from the dollar store cuz all of your Christmas bonus is going to be used in fixing your sorry excuse for a vehicle, and don’t go placing the blame on me. I saw the light turn green. I hit the gas and then I hit your car. I did nothing wrong. You blocked the intersection like Stacy Hollandaise blocked my sexual advances in eighth grade. Of course, I plowed myself into you the same way I wished I had done to her.
After destroying the moped on four wheels, it was time to inject some of my Christmas rage on the rest of these road blockers. Of course, how could I stomp out all of these parasites with my beautiful truck? After administering justice on the first little fuck, my truck was closer in looks to Fred Sanford’s truck on Sanford and Son. After several seconds of quiet contemplation, I looked toward the sky and made a wish on the first star I saw that night. Voila! My car, similar to a Transformer, had turned itself into a lethal weapon; one that I knew could wipe out all of these festive assholes.
In a blink of an eye, my truck turned itself into a giant hammer, something that would make the owners of Home Depot proud. One by one my truck, turned giant hammer, started to smash every car on the road, turning them into a flat piece of metal. Oh the joy in watching all of these floating pieces of shit watch their Christmas dreams turn to agony as I delivered a swift case of holiday vengeance. That’s what you get for blocking the road, assholes. It was beautiful, it was spectacular, it was… all a dream. I woke up and realized it was just a figment of my vindictive imagination. Damn! I would have taken a pair of garden shears and sliced off a nut to make that dream come true.
After relishing my victory in the spiritual world, I rolled out of bed to see what time it was. Holy Shit!!! It’s fucking noon, way too early to be getting up on a Saturday. After dropping my cell phone in sheer disgust, I noticed someone had left a text for me. I was tempted to delete the motherfucking intrusion on my life when I saw the word “movie.” Fuck this!!! Someone wants me to take part in a movie, today. I’m going back to bed. However, maybe while I was sleeping someone probed my brain and extracted my delicious dream and turned it into a movie. Jesus Christ, Rob. I know you went batshit crazy last night with more drugs than a Pollos Hermanos truck driving out of Albuquerque but that is just plain stupid, however, a movie. Nah, I’m going back to bed. Oh, wait…
Will Rob take part in the movie?