The first day of April represents a day where people like to do jokes on one another. Thank God Monday is April 2nd because what I am going to do is no laughing matter. Well, I will be laughing, but my intended targets will be crying in their overpriced caramel macchiato during our Monday meeting. Yes, I am taking a blowtorch and firing off each and every person who works under me. I don’t care how much they beg and plea it won’t do them any good. I am ready to sweep the unpleasantness of these morons out the door and usher in a new era. An era where I get to choose who works under me and sleep under as well and no one can stop me… except for one doddering old fool.

The same old man, my father, who got me this job is the same person who can squash my dream in an instant. Unfortunately, there seems to be an overabundance of compassion and goodwill flowing through his veins and he will do his best to prevent my bloodletting. Why? Why do you care about these people? Seriously, the more I think about it the more I believe I was adopted. There is no possible way he could be related to me. I mean, why does he think compassion and goodwill are good traits to hold? How is that going to get you ahead in this world, other than getting a hot babe to think you’re a sensitive and caring individual, which, of course, leads to more play time in the bedroom. I don’t get it and I don’t want to get it and you better not try and stop me. On April 2nd there will be carnage and no amount of compassion will help these sorry-ass hayseeds.